Happily Ever After

Forever and Always

Wow! Today I can only smile..
Iv accepted what I cannot change

I often wish that my dreams an reality I could re- arrange
I find it awfully strange

As I close my eyes at night, as I shutdown an fall asleep
I enter a world I cannot keep
I wonder if maybe you too dream of me when your asleep
Your the only dream I ever remember when I wake
Is it possible that two souls so far apart , could have the same dream?
Did u dream what I dreamt last night?
I guess this is highly unlikely
You in my dreams I cannot avoid I cannot fight
In the darkness of the night, in you I maybe find the light
Maybe I tried so hard with u, not to try fix what was broken, but to finally speak with you what I felt was unspoken
To find peace, peace of mind After you something I cannot find
I guess that peace I seek, that peace that i cannot find, even subconsciously in dreams makes my mind re wind
Maybe I felt you could give that to me
Or maybe your just forever meant to be there
I guess you truly are the angel from my nightmare

How can u no longer care, how could you so easily walk away, an never come back
Ill never understand, how the one I thought loved me most, could just forget an be gone

Sorry for the outburst, but sometimes that's what really hurts

Only you can make my dreams come true..
Yet you my dream girl living In my dream world An for that I'm thankful to 
We gave it our best, an know literally its been put to bed, put to rest, I use to fight it.. now I invite it

In the dark when im dreaming you the spark you ignite it
I have this far-fetched illusion , that one day we will sleep walk, yes sleep walk, an you will finally be there when I open my eyes

Forever waiting, forever dreaming Nothing matters when that what matters most is gone. In this life or the next, no matter how long. My heart , all my strength,all my love is with you. Forever an always .

Once upon time

Once upon a time there was a boy, once upon a time there was a girl.. They knew not of each other, little did he know this girl would one day be the greatest lover, little did she know he would never again love another. One sunny day they were introduced to each other, their eyes met, and both saw something special undercover, hidden in one another. Or was there something great between them when connected? Her heart forever he protected, till one day he was rejected.. He felt she made him a better he, but maybe he no longer made her a better she Days go by, he looks up to the sky, he asks God why? Why Lord, why did she say Goodbye? I was young and dumb, but we were too young to die. Lord in your will I have faith. You answer my prayers,prayers you feel worthy of been answered. I pray our paths cross once more. Once upon a time I gave a girl my heart, such a shame we had to part.. Problem is she still has a part. A part of my heart, an when I see her, when I think of her, my heart it finds life, it starts to beat so fast, almost as though that what is gone will be restored at last, then like she’s blinded to me, like I am a ghost she walks right past.. My heart no longer beats fast, the race is over.. My heart slowly starts to ache, I was so close, I give up, I break. Forgive me for a mistake so great... I was only a child, a child that got wild Will I forever feel this pain, will I ever again be the same, will I continue been punished again an again. I do believe in fait, destiny, an a reason for your present, an your history.. Her heart, her soul, will be my only worthy victory, her heart, her soul is all that makes me whole. Once upon a time, there was a girl, she forever changed a boys world.. Once upon a time….

Love Defined

I'm achieving so many things I believed to be impossible, I'm doing well financially , I found my place spiritually, I'm stable emotionally I'm stable mentally,I'm getting where I need to be physically.. I'm fulfilling what I believe to me my destiny.. I'm blessed with this life everyday, I'm blessed to live a good life, I'm blessed with luxuries, I'm blessed with a family that loves me, I'm blessed with friends that no longer choose to judge me.. Some nights I ask God to send someone that can love me, stand by me, love me as her man, love me as I am.. Iv got so much to be grateful for, yet if gods greatest gift is love, why do I not posses the love I seek , maybe need most, am I not ready?? .. Do I subconsciously fear something real faithful an steady.. Or does god just not feel I'm ready?? We all seek love , don't get me wrong I'm so thankful for all I have, an I should not ponder on that which I don't Maybe after this I won't I have faith that love will come when I'm ready Love that is steady When I think of love, when I think of a gift this great, a gift with a word the whole world can relate I vision the first date, an I vision it been great, I vision coming home to her, loving her most in this world, sacrificing it all for the sake of my love for her.. Putting her 1st, valuing her life more than my own.. Standing in front of her when she takes a step into the unknown,never rejecting her, never neglecting her.. Protecting her with my life, she's more than just my wife, she is my life , 2nd to God, 1st in humanity, given to me through love an christianity, the sane in insanity.. The humble ness in vanity, the truth in a lie, the tear that I cry, the hardest goodbye, an the happiest hello , or high, a kiss ill forever treasure, her been my only pleasure

One in a million

I think back, memories became like a photo album that was washed away, burnt away in flames,burnt an never to be seen on another day..
I don't know where you are, I hope that your okay
I'm sorry I just can't seem to go away, when for me to leave your life, I'm sure is something for which you pray..

My desperation, its sad, pathetic, something you've always described as infatuation
But is love not what makes us weak, is love not what makes us vulnerable, love is a action of which one cannot speak

I wish , I wish, I wish I could wash away these memories, I wish I could kill this feeling, let it go, I try, but as I start healing, I can't help shake this feeling, I wish we could start over, forget all the tears..
Never mind all the ears, put aside our fears
Take back our youngest years
An build many new years
If your not the girl I once new, an if I'm the guy you outgrew
It doesn't matter, there's nothing in this world I wouldn't do for a chance again to get to know you..

You were the one in a million, you were the one in a billion
I will never be the same without you
And maybe this is a twisted obsession, an infatuation
You may be right, you may be wrong, but since the day you've been gone
There's not one day for you my heart can't help long

I long for you an you only, without you, I'm empty, my heart will always be lonely
I'm proud of you, I'm so thankful to have known you
I'm sorry, sorry that you were a victim of my infatuation, my obsession, an if in your life iv caused any state of depression, aggression, I understand if this may be your form of protection, or even just flat out rejection

My heart dies when your gone, an when I see you, it comes alive, it beats at a rapid pace, which I'm sure is at a high heart attack risk, an then you leave without a trace..
You leave me lost in space
My heart loses oxygen, my heart dies
I'm lost, I keep going north, miles of skies
You have the oxygen to my heart
You taught me so much, your heart I know ill never get a chance to touch
With you gone
I'm a car without a clutch.

Follow your dreams, your greater, your more amazing, your more beautiful, you more rare
Than you'll ever believe
Your one in a trillion billion million

Never give up on who you are
You've come so far..
Look to the sky, look high, your the north star..
An though there may be troubles on your way
If you make it through the night there's a brighter day
Hold on you'll be okay
An once more ill try again to stay away

Life is a Blessing

The pain in this world makes me crazy
He died, she died, we all died..
He cried, I cried, she lied, he lied,he tried, she tried, I failed , you failed, he rose, he bailed, he flew, he sailed..
She swam, he drowned, I smiled, you frowned..
I succeeded, she an an angel gave me the tools I needed , Him a God I found,music with another form of sound, Brendon a best friend, was lost after a friendship of greatness was found..
I see the the pain beneath ones eyes, but only some hear the cries, why say hello , when after there's so many goodbyes..
Why be born, when your death is what some will mourn.
Is this negativity, or reality?? Time to face the music.. Time to take the tools given, time to use it..
I guess I better live now , because I know I'm gonna die.. I better smile because anytime soon I can cry..
Time to let go of yesterday, Goodbye

Good morning, no more yawning..if your in my life today, I'm thankful you've chosen to stay, if your leaving soon that's okay, life is a gift time to play..
Repetition.. Fact, Fiction,never in my life again will I allow contradiction, live every moment as if its my last, 5 seconds ago is the past..
This moment ill make last..
Work on me, better me, day by day, step by step, no space for regret, iv paid my debt, brainwash me, help me forget.
I just forgot, forgot you not,just that that's meant to be forgotten.
Lifes to short....
Depression, sadness, regret..
Abort

Angels

Angels are here we have no reason to fear , the roads become dark an cold , spirits to demons are sold, spirits of angels are gold.
Through the dark we travel, do not fear what’s below the gravel.
There’s something great to unravel.
We separate the bad from the good; we walk the righteous road we should.
We do deeds only spirits of gold ever could.
Let our wrongs be written right, let our goodness one day be understood
Give our golden spirit the strength to fight, let the darkness see the light.
Let the blind find their sight, let the deaf hear only what we know is right.
May Ecanus keep inspiring me, may I fulfil my earthly destiny..
May those captured in evil be set free, with miracles by the one that separated the sea.
May Armatia give us what we need to bless the youth with spiritual truth.

Angels in heaven , deadly sins represented in seven.
Blinded by wrath and greed they know not what they need
With obsession of lust, they know not with what they thrust
Filled with pride, in evil they confide, one day they will no longer be able to run or hide.
With sloth they choose not to hear the blessings whispered in their ear
With envy they hope we stumble, in everyday victory we will remain humble.
The cookies in their mouth they crumble, gluttony will cause them to stumble.

They speak of angels here on earth, guiding an protecting us from day of birth
Angels among us here on earth, like an appointment of anointment, we become covered in a spiritual ointment.
Only a spirit so holy, can make u feel loved when your lonely..
Only a spirit followed by plenty, can make u feel full when you’re empty.
Only a spirit so strong will give back what was once gone and help you define what’s right from wrong
Only a spirit this true , would sacrifice His only Son for you.

Democracy

Spell-check, use it, don’t abuse it, spell-check, if I was your teacher id ring your neck.

Your grammar, your punctuation your pronunciation, it’s an embarrassment to the African nation.

Your words your feelings its like exaggeration , dramatisation, no wait my words my feelings my spelling , my punctuation its my very own creation, just like you do on the radio, your more than welcome to change the station if to you this is an embarrassment to your nation , my life is my form of education.

You see here its one tribe, one blood, one love one people, we are all equal.

I do not speak on behalf of the African population

I speak based on my form of education

I speak on my form of God given knowledge, God given ability; MY WORDS do damage my dignity

We all strive for freedom, so I set it free.

My words posses’ immortality, do you understand me??

I walk down the path that’s God given, I walk in the light of God.

Safety is not always guaranteed, but what is the colour of the blood you bleed?

Blue within red without, when you fear its faith you doubt..

When one has faith your path is clear, when God is near, you need not fear.

I listen to the angels that whisper in my ear, the demons are no longer here, for them I have no fear the lord of Salvation he is here.

I do not plan these words I write, something inside , something within, something that’s blue, something within you , that’s within me , wants to be set free, its wants to be red, an no longer blue, an these are the feelings I express to you.

Words that in my opinion are true.

Democracy freedom of speech, laws is not what I breach, not what I teach, these are just words I choose to preach

The Truest Of Loves

Do I really know the meaning of love?
Do I know what it really feels like to be loved?

Is my mind a little twisted from the past an its pain..
Do I believe in love an the saying it will forever remain?
If love is forever two soul mates together..
Then why does nothing last forever
Forever is a long , long time
I guess that when ones soul mate is found
It doesn't matter when the two of you are buried 6 foot deep underground
Your souls are loving each other an in the next life they both safe an sound.
Forever an always your souls will be bound..

I believe in the Holy Spirit, an God giving us the gift of love
He chose love above all else
So yes I believe in love a precious gift from a God above
I believe in two soul mates, two souls been together forever
Death does not do you part, at least not through the loving souls in your heart

The Holy Spirit lives in me, it lives through me.
It shines through me, if God is with me, then love is with me, love lives inside of me.

I know the meaning of love, its a chosen gift from a God above.
I know the feeling of love, the holy spirit of love lives inside of me thanks to a God above

This is the truest form of Love

Tears of an Angel

They say our heart is no more than an organ
An that pain is all in the mind

Then why does my heart literally ache, why the expression : is this my heart u break?
Here's my heart, its yours to take <3
I hope to see you when I wake
This love seems to make me tremble an shake
There's no label, its our world to make
If your not here , I don't wanna wake..
These tears I cry, only u truly see why
You say there's no guy like me, I wish you could see what I see.
These tears you cry , tears of an angel..
The saddest sight to see, is this really how its meant to be?
I hope that one day you will look back an remember me
When I walk away, when u walk away
Your safety an happiness is for what ill pray
God sent an angel to save me an then go away
I guess now I'm strong enough an he knows ill be okay
Breathe as though its your last day

Here's my heart, its yours to take <3
I hope to see you when I wake
This love seems to make me tremble an shake
There's no label, its our world to make
If your not here , I don't wanna wake..

The most gorgeous Angel iv ever seen, lifted me higher than iv ever been..
A beauty within, a beauty without a beauty the world has never seen
Eyes of the ocean , a antidote, a magical potion
A deeper emotion, skin as soft as her heart..
Its sad that life moves planets apart
Destiny knows there's a end before the start
I feel you in my heart
I guess of mine you've taken a part
I thank the Lord that an angel has my heart.
Like the organ that keeps me alive
You the reason I survive

Here's my heart, its yours to take <3
I hope to see you when I wake
This love seems to make me tremble an shake
There's no label, its our world to make
If your not here , I don't wanna wake..

A Champion From The Heart

They say the grass is always greener on the other side, to get their sometimes we need to swallow our pride, come out of our shell, and no longer hide.

We can’t allow the devil to break our stride; we all have our reason for been alive.

The paths we forced to walk are often dark an cold, but at the end of our journey there is something great to unfold.

Life does not ask if you’re ready or not, we have no idea what this future may hold

In our destiny there is a story to be told.

Everyday we grow a little older, a little wiser, knowledge holds great power

Take in all you see, all you hear life is beautiful let it blossom like a flower.

Let nature take its toll, u can be blind as a mole, deaf as a grandpa, ride a bicycle instead of a car, this does not define what or who you are..

Truth is your spirit it shines bright as a star

Some stars have been dead for many years an though they dead, they still shine above your head every night as you lay in bed, the dead is never really dead, so death is what some fear, what do we have to fear when GOD is here?

Sometimes we get lost in the dark, out of fear we turn our back on our GOD.

When in our moment of darkness, in OUR moment of fear lost in the dark

GOD is the one that grants us a spark.

He helps us turn that spark to fire, the darkness turns to light, when you were about to give up, GOD granted you the strength to fight, when u needed sight god gave the spark that brought light, when you turned your back, GOD followed you , he guided you..

Your one of his children, our father his love it’s unconditional.

Everyday we grow a little older, a little wiser, knowledge holds great power

Take in all you see, all you hear, life is beautiful let it blossom like a flower

Strength, courage and love is not defined through physicality, true strength, courage an love comes from the heart.

And though at times it feels as though your heart is been ripped apart

Allow god to take away all the bad and grant you a new start.

Sometimes we get lost in the dark, out of fear we turn our back on our GOD.

When in our moment of darkness, in OUR moment of fear lost in the dark

GOD is the one that grants us a spark.

He helps us turn that spark to fire, the darkness turns to light, when you were about to give up, GOD granted you the strength to fight, when u needed sight god gave the spark that brought light, when you turned your back, GOD followed you , he guided you..

Your one of his children, our father his love it’s unconditional

I don't fold

Stories have been told, I'm 23 yet my mind is old, I stopped playing poker cause I refuse to fold.. 

We never know what this future may hold..

Yet sometimes I feel as though this life of mine could be coming to a end, I never know what awaits around the next bend..

Wind, storms or rain, I guess this may be the paranoia left after going insane.. 

Visions of my own death, appreciating every single breathe, fighting till iv got nothing left.

Is it really paranoia when I'm not afraid to go, don't get me wrong its not that I want to go, I still have so much left to achieve, there's so much left in my destiny in which I still believe, I still have so much to give, so much to retrieve.. I still need to pay back my thanks for this life everyday I receive.

Do I walk by faith, when I vision my death.. I turn this corner as though its my last breathe.. 

Are they coming for me?? .. Or am I finally free??

Death is not what I fear, even though at times it feels as though its literally here.. 

Maybe its death whispering in my ear, is this my subconscious that is not yet crystal clear..

Its what I see in the mirror that I truly I fear...

Something inside me, something behind my eyes..

Something that for so long iv managed to disguise..

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change

Courage to change the things I can.

And the Wisdom to know the difference..

 

So I say this powerful prayer, I open my eyes an once more I stare..

Stay away.. Stay there.. 

They say life isn't fair, it doesn't mean we should give up an no longer care..

Once more I stand up, I fight, fight for more, fight for what I believe, fight for what I know I need to achieve.

I will rather give before I receive..

If I'm gift or if I'm a curse..

Whether I'm moving forward, or back in reverse..

I'm me , an I strive to be the best me I can possibly be..

I'm living my verse.. 

The Last Dream

I was waiting , you were waiting, for this life to maybe somehow bring us back together..
I realised I have been waiting nearly longer than forever, so I gave up, life will not bring us back together, it was not our destiny, it just was not meant to be.

They say if you truly love someone you will set them free, letting go this is the key..
It took some time, but eventually I let you go, hoping one day you may come back to me.

I gave up, you left my thoughts, I moved on , that place you have in my heart will always be there , it will never be gone, but its been to long..

I live my life by a new song, don't worry about me I was weak, but now I'm strong, strong enough to carry on.

Last night once more I dreamt of you, couldn't help ask myself what for??

Essentially it's just a reminder that she was, is, and always will be a part of who you are and who you're going to be. You would be a different person without her imprint.

That doesn't mean though that you're still hung up on her. It's not a sign. It's not an obsession. It's just a fond or not-so-fond look backwards at where you've been.

So I just file it away with a brief smile and realize that dreams are just like photo albums.

In my dream I held you in a moment of your own weakness, in a moment of your own pain, shadows were around,listening to us speak, listening to you weep, your tears were flowing, the hug an care was that of me as no more than your friend, in this dream we knew we came to an end.. But I was there as your friend.. Another guy had your heart, I realised that forever we would be apart, but In this dream I was your friend, an in this dream with a smile I accepted the end.

I walked away knowing that ill probably never see you again, but it ended , an I said goodbye as your friend.

I smiled , I found peace , subconsciously u were there an gave me what I needed to leave..
This is the meaning of this dream, I believe.

When it comes to you an I (duet)

I need to leave I need to go, this is a pain I choose not to know,but I'm a at every show, my heart says yes, when it should say no. 

Something inside won't let go.. You wanna leave you wanna go, but I'm the only real happiness you know, so you keep coming back to my show.  

The words she speaks  

I feel like I also feel your pain,obviously not that I know how it feels,but I just feel I feel it to its like a knife in the chest when I see u hurting.

I'd just do anything to take that pain away i really care about u so much.

The words I speak

When I'm with u there's no pain there's no sadness

You are my sanity amongst all this madness

Here's my heart, you know u have this.

I speak what I feel, an it almost seems unreal, because this is exactly what u feel

when I'm without u its like I'm lost in a burning house an the smokes hurting my eyes burning my lungs tell me lies, tell me you don't want this, make me leave, lie to me. Then expose the truth,take away the pain, this is all insane the heat is burning me,

I know your not really leaving me

the truth u speak is that in your life you know I'm meant to be.

Out of guilt u feel u need to set me free, you feel this is what is best for me. 

The truth is you don't wanna live in a world without me.

The words are on the tip of your tongue, u wanna set them free, you wanna tell me .

That in many ways your heart longs for me

U can't tell me, the feelings are eating u from the inside, the bottled up deep inside you don't know how much longer they can hide, sooner or later they gonna explode on the outside.

In this world I live you have the power to make me the happiest person there's no one in this world that makes me happier just with their presence, yet there's no one that can hurt me more in this world.

The words she speaks 

I just want to b able to take that pain away!!!

I'd rather put all of that pain on me than you having to go through it..

I can honestly say I've never cared so much for someone.

I don't want u to b feeling like u are now,and u don't need to say sorry for anything!!its gonna b so hard not having u in my life,I never knew this would happen to us.

I wanna be with you today, but ill change my mind tomorrow.

I'm afraid, I can't escape, I'm addicted, but is this drug bad or good?

I wanna leave for everyone else I know I should

But in my heart I never would I'm selfish , I'm falling in love, leave you? I never could. 

Our eyes meet once more , our lips meet once more.. Our souls meet once more..

We move closer yet we need to move further

What is it you want ? Do what's best for you

Tell me to leave tell me this is not what u need

Its not possible an there's a reason

On our hearts we've planted a love seed, it growing, its showing

Yet we don't know where this is going.. 

How does this end , will it ever end , I guess its true a lover was once your friend.

I guess this is goodbye, wait no , we can't, its all a lie don't go don't leave, I need you.

See me soon, u got me feeling like a loony toon.

I'm crazy, we crazy, the risk the danger , but I never want u to be a stranger

We together today, an for now that's okay.

Inspiration

A messenger

A lover
An angel undercover

A man without a mask

Willing to rhymeFighting the time

To the goal

For the gold?

Or for the fame?

Maybe his life is to blame.

Here is a journal for your thoughts close your eyes into your mind let the words roll off your pen.

Unload the burden in your head.

I hope all your dreams come true, your heart deserves it.

….. Priscilla 2010 Crescent Clinic

Donovan is really kind, he’s great with rhymes, but he forgets my name sometimes, but its okay I don’t mind – its Priscilla.

The words above were written by a special girl with a heart filled with love.

I have spoken of Priscilla before, a girl I believed was sent as an angel to me.

She is the one that opened my eyes to what has now become a passion..

I know my writing doesn’t always cause satisfaction, I know behind every sentence there is always a different reaction these words are for you to relate, but these words also keep me out of a psychotic state, at first it was about the fame, but now that truly is not what its about, my spirit will forever live on through these words here on earth alive ill remain..

In a moment of pain, these words can prevent someone else from going insane..

Remember u have a choice , u can choose to read, or u can decide that my emotions are not what u truly need, these words one day someone will retrieve, it can open their eyes an help them believe, maybe receive just what they truly need.

I have entered a different reality.. I do believe that Christ helped me find my sanity.

I no longer take medication.

I am more sane than ever, my life is finally coming together.  

In my life I am at a better place than ever

Priscilla, my family, and a love for a girl was my inspiration.

Let me explain, I was mentally insane, I was a drug user, a narcotic abuser.

Narcotics causing me to enter a psychosis, to me it felt more like a demonic hypnosis..

I would see visions of what I believed that time to be a demon.

A black smoked shadow, fire for eyes , infecting my mind with all kinds of lies..

I remember those eyes.

It got bad, I started seen the demons in forms of people, there faces would re –arrange, their teeth long an sharp, the words id hear them utter would be strange.

You see today I express this all, I cant hide who I am today, nor who I was yesterday..

I just thank god that today im okay.

Priscilla I speak under correction was maybe from another country I never have seen her again, but her words on paper, lets me know that she wasn’t one of my delusional minds creator.

She was so kind, so beautiful, her heart so soft an truthful..

We will probably never meet again, but forever an always ill thank the lord for her again and again.

Then there was a girl I loved, if I speak truthfully the only girl iv truly loved.

This girl was my main inspiration, I blamed myself, my mind and my drug abuse for us coming to a end, today I don’t even have the honour of been her friend.

I promised myself that for her id come back stronger, come back the guy she loved with all her heart, unfortunately once I had done all I could, life had torn us to far apart, or maybe the truth is I just do not belong in her heart, yet iv always kept a special place in mine for her.

I seek no pity, do not mistake my words for that of self pity.

I understand that maybe her and I just weren’t meant to be, I just wish that I got one chance to let her again get to know the real me.

I can’t be sad its over, I need to be happy it happened.

I pray for her happiness, safety, I pray that she finds the real her, an where she is meant to be.

I have accepted that’s not with me, but I wont let that stop me from setting my feelings free.

So of all my inspiration what I still have and still know is my family.

My family has always been there for me, without them today I have no idea where id be.

I don’t think id be alive, they truly helped me survive.

So roughly without much depth that’s my story, thank you for reading these words , my words, my rhyme. Thank you for your time

Ps I was born in 1989

Me an my Dolphin

Life around me seems to be changing, I think iv changed my ways, left my past as yesterday, an hope an pray for better days.. 

Unfortunately at times, the heartache of yesterday creeps up on me, I fall into an unwanted emotion, I need to swim,but these tides, these tides of the ocean, sucking me in, ruining my motion.. 

I'm lost at sea hoping an praying , god send me a dolphin, God answers my prayer.. 

She guides me to the shore, I owe my life to this dolphin, but ill never see her again, she swims off into the ocean.

She's okay, the tide can never ruin her motion..

Years later I'm above the ocean, sailing off into the sunset, remembering this dolphin, the sun setting so beautiful on the ocean.. 

All of a sudden I hear an explosion.. 

The ocean turns from green an blue, to black an grey, I think back to that day, I reunite with her, the dolphin, the oil the explosion, is affecting my dolphin..

I guide her to where the sea is blue.. where the sea is green..

She's the most beautiful dolphin iv ever seen.. 

Its years later , but our eyes meet once more.. 

Am I the one in her moment of struggle she asked god for?? 

For years to come me an my dolphin would swim across the ocean, the ocean this our love potion.. 

Guarding each other, I'm her angel , she's mine, now that I'm here I now she's fine, now that she's here, I have nothing to fear.. 

God send me a dolphin.. 

We have a God who can heal all wounds and who can take any and all of our hurts and use them as precious gifts in our lives... He never wants for us to go through these things but he can bring our greatest glories out of our most painful trials. He loves you and he see's you. He see's the sorrow of your heart and he wants you to know that even in your darkest moment , he still has you. He's holding you together even when it feels like you are ripped to shreds.

FOREVER YOUNG





Its so crazy, its so strange , i wish our times we could re-arrange, i miss you , i wish you were still here today, i wonder what you'd say.. i know that in heaven you are okay, i know that you with us everyday.
I kow that maybe you havent gone away, but this picture this was our very last day.

I can still remember the things you said that day, its as if you new this was one of our last days. A few of your last words took me by suprise, no lies.

But those few last words we shared, let me know how much you've always cared , i miss you today, i know ill miss you tommorow.
All this pain and sorrow this time i have is like a life I borrow.
I wish i could have one more day to tell you, tell you more.
You my friend, i dont have brothers, you were my brother, your mom to me will always be like a mother, a bloodline like yours, i know theirs no other.
Your like a pitbill, misjudged , something so special undercover, many woman will and do speak of you as an extraordinary lover, your forever young my brother.
These tears for you i do cry, cant help ask myself why?? Am i going insane when i feel your presence,when i speak to you as if your right here??
Many question the afterlife, many ask the question what is death after life??
Im blessed to call you my friend, I know you waiting at the end, I wanna see you soon these words i know you comprehend..
I remember all our crazy days , crazy nights, crazy fights, we were like two dark nights.. fighting for what we believe, fighting for what we need, fighting every fight with eachother for eachother, our pain would never be the blood we bleed.
Today i realise i never again will fight alone, i never again will walk this road alone, im not afraid, now more than ever im brave..you will always be fighting with me in spirit.

I miss you more an more everyday, with time this pain does not go away..
i loved you yesterday, i love you today, ill love you tommorow.

I dont have brothers, you were my brother, your mom to me will always be like a mother, a bloodline like yours, i know theirs no other.
Your like a pitbill, misjudged , something so speial undercover, many woman will and do speak of you as an extraordinary lover, your forever young my brother.

THANK U BRENDON

IM BLESSED TO HAVE THESE WORDS DONE BY YOU

LOVE YOU NOW AN FOREVER

Let me Dream

She walks into my life, she steals my heart like a thief in the night
I'm in a dream, will this queen be my wife, don't wake me up, please let me dream.
is this my reality, or is my reality no more than a dream, together we eating ice cream..
I can taste it this is no dream
We so happy  everything seems perfect, it all seems right, the sun is shining bright.
It all starts to darken, it all starts to fade, I wake , its cold , it dark, its night a winter morning the sun its not shining bright.

This was no more than another dream ,A dream that wont come true, a dream im sure of because there's no you, I get up light a smoke , on which I nearly choke, I got to go to work I cant afford to be broke, cant remember when last we spoke, do you see me as a joke??

I remember, you in my life was such a pleasure, every moment would fly by, so every moment together I would cherish. I would treasure.
Never enough time in a day before I knew it, like fading smoke u went away.
I thought maybe god would bring u back into my life on a better day, he didn't an that's okay.

Problem is u left me with scars, not only a broken heart, since you've been gone I don't know how to restart, start without you, iv tried , but the more I try, the more I fail, when its rains it feels like hail, im dramatic, its that drastic, without u love seems frantic, never romantic, what is love without you..
does it exist, u found it why cant I, my loves like a plant , it cant help but eventually die , like im stuck in a dessert an im just so dry.

All I remember now is the words... goodbye, let me dream, let me dream.

Sweetdreams and goodnight

So many times iv reached out to you
So many nights I dream about you
My heart forces me to cry out to you
My heart forces me to try fight for you

I fight , an fight .. Where is the light?? .. Ur out of site , I can only find u when I close my eyes in the dark of the night, please wake me , turn on the light..
These dreams in colour not like these words in black and white.. To reach out to u seems so wrong, but in my dreams it all feels right.. in my dreams u don't belong ..
the nights never seem long , the saddest part is when I open my eyes, ur no longer there , ur gone.

The days go by so slow , fighting my thoughts, telling myself I need to let go, why are u the only love I know..
Why won't my subconscious mind let u go..

I can't help contradict what I feel, some dreams u can make come true, an some are not up to you.

I know these words are to be judged, with tears they cannot be smudged, they cannot be erased, I don't live to be praised, I live to be me, my true self.. Accept me or reject me,my grammer an puncuation, u can correct me, but opinions will never affect me.

Its so hard to show composure, when I cannot find closure, ..no matter the pain ,an moments of going insane , knowing you'll never come back again, truth is I still vision u when it starts to rain.

These are the only emotions I cannot control, its starting to take its toll, dreams don't come true , I know that thanks to you .. I could never blame you, I just need to force myself to give up the fight, close my eyes an say goodnight, an hope that someone can find me,by turning on the light. Sweet dreams an goodnight ;-)

If I die before I wake I pray the lord my soul to take

Love an Lust

Love is a verb a doing word, so is lust, but which in your life is a must.. lust a word that can also spell slut, love is something u feel in your gut, when we cant find love we resort to lust, sometimes we mistake lust for love, infatuation for a vision of an angel sent from above

We think this feeling it must be love, we mistake lust for passion , we start to get over the satisfaction, lust becomes a chain reaction , love fades an slowly dies, you forget what its like to love, to feel , to tell the difference between lust an a love that's real, a love that's true, I slowly gently touch you, our bodies move closer, like magnetism, we can read an feel each others lustful thoughts, we crave to be pleased, we crave the pleasure, slowly in her ear I whispers a nice lustful gesture.
It makes her crazy , it makes her wild, this girl she was once a child, but now she's all spicy an sometimes a little mild, she likes it wild, the lust becomes uncontrollable, like a volcanic eruption, she erupts, soon after I erupt, was this lust enough?

She begged for it like a spoilt child, she got what she craved , what she needed, the seed has been planted her wish has been granted, her pleasure was mine, my pleasure was hers, will we meet again ?? lust dies quick, but love is rare, so when love is hard to find, I guess lust is the closest kind.. in this moment we don't really mind.

Truth is we both still crave that love an affection , lust may be a antidote a short lasting injection, guiding us in the right direction, pleasing for that moment, like a drug, like a fix. its never enough, its just not love, its not emotion, its no more than another eruption, this lust is causing destruction.

Time goes by, Lust no longer gets u high, its erotic but causing you to go psychotic, love Is what u crave yet u do not want to feel like a child when sexually u misbehave..

I remember love, the reason I know I will now show, the mood is set the candles are lit, its cliché, but we both proud of it, we think we in a movie ,but this is real, because it more than lust.
nerves an emotions we both can feel, the world around us has stood still, its just us to , we alone in this world on our own.. we don't care we have each other an right now that's all we need..

The night reaches its peak, the ,music we turn down soft, so we can speak, I tell her I love you, she tells me she loves me more, in my mind I think this girl is more than another whore, another slut, she's special, I think iv got the butterflies im scared to look her in her eyes these feelings I cant disguise, eventually I look up into her eyes, they sparkling, maybe its the champagne.
She's smiling , maybe she's laughing at me maybe she's happy, I get nervous, I tremble I shake, she gets knots in her stomach, I can no longer hold , I reach out I kiss her passionately, im shocked this feeling inside is one that only love can describe, we both trembling, we both shaking, our heart for more we aching, this feeling is love, this our gift from a god above, I lay her down, I treat her soft, im so gentle, like a princess , im her prince, like a husband she's my wife, like death she's my life..

we make love , under the stars above, lust can never compare to love, I remember love.

BURIED SECRETS

Its hard to look at the past, its hard to overcome yesterday, my past it still haunts me, the demons they still taunt me,
I don't fear the future, I don't fear the past, but sometimes I ask myself how long will this happiness last.
Maybe expecting it to fade , can send me back to the shade, out of the light, yet I can't allow that, this is why I fight.
Am I afraid of the dark?.. Or am I afraid of what lies in the dark, afraid of what I can't see?
I try hard not to let my past define me, I try my hardest to let the holy spirit shine through me..
I know his hand is guiding me ..

Sometimes I wonder if I'm meant to spend this life on my own, sometimes I do feel alone, I have many people around me.. I have many people that are proud of me..

Yet why do I feel as though this is not where I belong?
why do I always feel I'm the odd one out?
A quote I try to follow 'why fit in, when your born to stand out'..
Am I really even happy??.. Am I depressed..??
Or am I just accepting the fact that I'm not like the rest??
Where do I belong, why does it feel as though somethings missing??
Can I truly be loved? am I lost? Or am I waiting to be found..
Am I normal? Am I unique? .. Do I have the heart someone truly may seek? ..
Does it really matter than I write more than I speak..
Am I truly strong? or do you just not realise I'm actually weak?
I know that my words are always been judged, my actions do cause dissatisfactions, an raised eyebrow reactions..

There's more than one side, there's so much more that I can't help hide..
I'm guilty of a sin , this been my pride, my secrets in the lord I do confide, that's my only way of putting them aside..
I speak of a past, one that haunts me..
I speak of a past one that taunts me..
People ask , they tell me they here when I'm ready to talk .. The closer they get the quicker I walk, you see I walk away an often return another day, but they don't forget, they afraid of the unknown.. They afraid of what's in my past that I have not shown
So I walk , I walk alone .. I fight these demons on my own , I fight these demons yet I'm not alone..

I need to let go, show me how because I don't know
I no longer know who I'm writing to , so ill just call you , you , I speak to god an myself more than anyone else..

I see the world in a different light, I see the world through a different sight, I don't know which I'm more afraid of , the the light or the dark of the night.. Is this where I belong, is this the life I was destined to live , what is my destiny , how do I fulfil it , do I jump from one topic to the next, do I speak out of context?..
I don't know anymore, feels like I'm going in circles, round an round ..am I lost yet to be found?
Is this where I belong?
Or will I soon be gone.

I speak in riddles, am I the joker??.. Or am I the joke?? Am I rich or am I broke?? Do I lead you to believe just what I need you to believe? or does true story lie beyond these words for you one day to retrieve?
Is this my story? or is my story hidden below this story?
Do I confuse? Do I amuse?
Is this a vocabulary I just abuse, did I just blow a fuse?? ..
When I right do I think before I speak?? Or do I just flow??
Only a select few of you will know..
Enjoy the show , u never know where in this life we are to go ..
Am I cold as snow? Or am I warm as fire..
Do you know the truth, or do u think I'm a liar??
Is this where I belong? Or will I soon be gone?
Love or hate..
I don't care.. Just relate

19 APRIL

I can still remember the day 19th april 2011..
My dad sat me down , an told me he needs to send me away, it can no longer go on this way.
I was high as the sky, as I stared him in his eye, I said no dad but why?? ..

He said don your on another high, u heading into another psychosis, I believed that his judgment on my mind caused an hypnosis , his opinions would always be on what I'd focus,what I'd trip out on , constant paranoia ,from one drug test to the next, positive for all.. Ironic that positive can turn out to be a negative , I got sedated, drugged up on medication , before I knew it I was in rehabilitation.
For years I had tried to avoid this situation..

This turned out to be my lives biggest blessing in disguise.
When u look deep into my brown, sometimes hazel eyes, do u see all I disguise??
You think the roads I walk are easy?? ..
I struggle through everyday, never knowing if I'm truly heading the right way, I close my eyes, every single day I pray, pray for the strength to survive just for today..
U think all these words I express all these years iv spoken ,can describe what in my life has been broken?
I can tell u that something spiritual inside me has been awoken, I appreciate the air I breathe, I wear my motivation on my sleeve..
Life doesn't always give you what u need, it is not only physically that we bleed, good is never good enough, never satisfying,I know even at my best, I'm capable of more.

That's why I will never stop trying.

I woke up today 19th April 2013.. I can't help but keep getting tears in my eyes, all the screams all the cries, all the judgement through so many eyes,all the sad heartbreaking goodbyes, time flies, to get to where I am today, to be okay, no matter the way, I'm thankful, I'm here today, where I am , where I stand.. I walk in the light of god, n gumba laka tikati, excuse the grammar, the punctuation,an maybe even the pronunciation..

I do live my life on the edge , at any moment I can slip off the ledge, fall again, but ill always rise again..fight till the end, my words truly you will never comprehend..
There's a beginning after the end..
In this world I may never blend.. But in this world I'm your friend..

Thank you to my father in heaven an my father on earth
Your guidance an strength, has guided me here since the day of birth

Happy birthday dad

Breaking Records

To overcome the greatest of fears, sometimes it takes blood sweat an many tears..
The blood u shed on the way, is worth it all at the end of the day.
The sweat may be a slow release of all your regret, an when u smelling foul, sweaty an wet.. remember what u give is what you'll get.
The tears u cry, the tears you felt running down slowly beneath your eye, that moment when u look up to the sky and ask god why??
That moment where you looked at your life an wished you could die ..
Those moments are in the past say goodbye

Its a new day, wake up look at the sky smile an say high..
If u believe u can fly, you will reach the sky..
I'm almost two years sane , and I can tell you my past it was never in vain.
I felt pain, I still love the rain, I know that ill never be the same again, but life is not a game, we only get one chance to change this world, to make a difference , to leave something special behind.
We all have our purpose, god has a plan, a plan for you a plan for me.
So when u feel uv failed, know that u have not failed, god has something better in store for you.
People may give up on you, but never give up on yourself, never give up on you.
There is something great in store for you..
Fight your fight everyday, we all have our fight, our own records to break, this is my life to take..
I learn from my every mistake, I overcome heartache,due to the fact that iv got so many records to break.
The blood sweat an tears , can go on for years.. At least I know I faced my fears.
Today I'm here, my path I walk its crystal clear.
I was once love blind, my sight took years to find.
Now its found , iv moved on , that mole is underground.. Something special iv now truly found ..
Never again will I turn around ..over here I'm safe an sound ..
I saw demons as an illusion , in a state of confusion, sometimes I still need to fight those visions when they try enter my mind , I close my eyes an pray 'Dear lord Jesus, please let me be okay, my only fear is myself .. My mental health..
Almost two years sane, please lord god never let me go back again, give me the strength, to walk through the rain, thank you for your spiritual awakening, There's a reason my world was shaking..
Thank you for opening my eyes, thank you for sparing my life time after time, crime after crime..
I will fulfil my purpose,I will break records do what everyone tells me is impossible, with blood sweat an tears, bless me with many years

Take some advice, sacrafice : )

What we do today, will affect tomorrow,advice is it something u borrow, or something u take?.. Can u literally feel your heart break, does the fear the pain , make u tremble an shake , do u sleep yet feel half awake??
Can u overcome your greatest mistake , overcome the heartache of yesterday, in order to smile today, god answers for what you pray, in the best way..
The greatest gift to us all was his sacrifice, without even speaking this would be the worlds greatest advice ,sacrifice today, for the great of tomorrow.
Once upon a time , I met a girl named Priscilla ,in a place u wouldn't wanna know , I was living a thriller, maybe she was no more than another illusion , iv never seen her again , she left me in confusion, a page with her words , ' does he write for the fame, maybe life is to blame, a messenger , a lover, an angel undercover ' ..
If she was real or not, her words till today iv never forgot, even after more than one lithium shot ..
I believe she was the angel sent from above , sent from god , for that moment I most needed that kind of love .. Maybe she disappeared back to that place above..
I searched high an low , where she would go I would never know ..
But if she's above , I'm thanking this angel for all her love ..
2007 .. An angel sent to guide me , I swear she's from heaven ..
She advised me to put pen to paper .. I did not know that I'd never again see her later ..
I still have this little ancient brown book ,one the first page her advice, her poem , her advice I took.

Remorse

I know you'll never give me a chance to apologise,I wish you were here in person to see the remorse in my eyes, I'm sorry for all the tears I caused to run from your eyes, I'm sorry for more than a 1000 goodbyes, I know you don't want this apology nor care , but I do owe you this apology, I studied your body next to me in physiology, now that you know I'm talking to you, I wanna apologise for all I put u through, I guess I have no clue what I put you through, maybe I do , but with this these words could never be true , I refused to let go, even though today I realise u were right, we better of not speaking, not seen each other, we were no longer good for each other,this just took longer for me to discover.

You were always right, even when u were wrong u were right, I never realised that then that's why we'd always fight, I could not let go because you were the only love I'd ever know.. I couldn't let go of the love we had those many years ago, years have gone by, yet I couldn't help ask myself why, why did a 'love' so special just fade away an die..
So I turned into that guy , the guy looking back with regret, the guys hung up, hung up on you, so hung up I basically stalked you..
Reached out to you, would literally have given my life to you, my world to you for one more chance with you..
This was so unfair , as u shouldn't feel bad that you no longer care, I had no right to be angry an sad that u were no longer there..
Losing you was a feeling for which I could not prepare.
We were so young , those feelings an words u chose to share ..
To believe it was real love an hold you to that was not fair
U were right, it was only infatuation ..
I no longer loved you, I loved the idea of what we once had..
Its over now an iv realised that its just a case of 'to bad'
U snooze you loose ..
U drink to much , u hit the booze, u take for granted , what someone else is praying for ..
An later u think your heart is sore, this is me I speak of , I should have let go years ago, something wouldn't let me I was selfish, I know..
I'm truly sorry goodbye , u can go..

Every day there's another treasure

Life, death, I'm running out of oxygen, I'm running out of breathe, what do I really have left? .. When I look right, what is it that's still right? .. What's left, everyday I stand strong I fight.. Fight the darkness , hoping to find the light, what's comes in the darkness is unpredictable, despicable, my love is always unconditional, unlike some mines fact, an never fictional, sometimes I may appear very predictable, but before u judge, be prepared for a surprise..there's more to me than what meets your eyes, sometimes uv you've gotta accept the lies, even though you see the full truth through their disguise , no reason to expose their sad truth, their lies are now their beliefs , that's what happens when you lie since your youth, you 4get the truth, everyday look carefully you'll see the proof.. 

So sometimes I enter another reality, I sit I stare, the world around me are they really there? Who is their?.. Can I prepare for this glare ? .. Fact is life is never fair , the world for you it does not care, life does not give u the chance to prepare .. So when I stop an stare , enter another zone , a world of my own , look at the time , look at the date realise how time has flown , look at my family , look in the mirror , see how the world around me has grown , there's a path , a trail, one is dark, a dark dark road, I walked down that path, down that trail, I was never granted bail, I did my time , somehow I managed to come out just fine , do not confuse a metaphor with reality, do not confuse the me of today to that of a guy stuck in a world of insanity..

See once I did my time , I found a new road , a new trail, one that is not a life sentence , one where u don't need to appeal for bail, u see once the lies , become a truth forced to prevail , like a pirate that found his treasure, with joy the 7 seas I sail, this I do with pleasure .. Everyday I discover another treasure.. 

This is my pleasure ..

Money does not buy true happiness

The things money can't buy, are not always visible to the naked eye
We always crave so much more an when we don't get what we crave, we ask ourselves why?

Its not often we stop an take note of what's more than just materialistic, rather a gift based on emotion,based on love , a gift on its own maybe sent from above ..

We so quick to demand , an always want more , instead of been grateful for what we do have an not what we don't, we forget the love around us , an take so much for granted,we believe we deserve a life that's enchanted, but what is true enchantment ? Is it a 10 million dollar apartment ? To me enchantment is more than what u physically posses, more than what u own, more than just a materialistic luxury.. Enchantment is magical its happiness , happiness can come in so many forms , we just to blind to open our eyes see the true gift beyond its disguise, everyday we fed with so many lies an promised to reach the highest skies, we choose to follow , to get where we need we forced to borrow, but in the end this life we achieve , this dream we brainwashed to believe is not truly what we need , don't get me wrong a life mission is to succeed , an on the way u may bleed , but do we ever stop to do just one good deed?..

Before we follow , we should try take the lead, trust is so rare, your lucky if for you someone truly is there, we feel life is unfair and out to get us all, we blame the world everytime we fall..

A gift of love, family an friends we can trust.. This is eternal, Instead of a life based on betrayal, greed an lust , because in the end all that's materialistic turns to dust..

So sometimes we need to take a moment to appreciate what is not always visible to the naked eye ..
Appreciate what's sentimental, emotional , not always physical , but maybe something spiritual, something real, something we feel, some out there don't even know if they'll ever again get to see another meal, this is the life with which they deal ..

So I choose to live a life filled with passion one of inspiration, a life of dedication , put aside my procrastination, Ill get up and change the station , I know the difference between love an infatuation, money can't buy true happiness , love can.

The END

I grew up been the boy in the corner , the odd one out, no one knowing what I was all about, still today , I'm like a stray, think before you play, pray for another day , hope that in a few moments you'll be okay, rather leave than stay, can't snooze , can't lose,maybe I do, an maybe iv just got nothing to prove..
I use to abuse every possible drug, this was the closest thing I felt to love .. I lost my connection with a god above .. A substitute abuser , a sad sore loser , I was no more than another user , with a problem of more than just an addiction , walk past me you'll feel the friction , it may be electric .. A little energetic , another kind of aura ,maybe even a little pathetic ..
If I lost yesterday that's okay, yesterday is over , that's my past, today's a new day, so watch me play , I'm playing today , can you comprehend what I'm trying to say??

Easy to forgive , hard to forget , karma is something that punishes you for what you regret , karma comes back an reclaims her debt .. So be cautious before placing your bet ..
Judge me if u know me today , but if you knew me yesterday , be careful of the words you spray,I hear everything you say..
Like an infection , I could never be the definition of perfection , so when you sleep know that I pray for your protection , In my dreams an yours I still feed you love an affection , that's where we together , till the day I die that's my form of forever , life did take my friend , but my life goes on its not yet the end, this is not a dead end , please these words try comprehend
Your still my friend , ill see you at the end .. Guess you beat me to the finish line , know that without you I'm not completely fine , everytime I think of you the shivers run down my spine , every night I look up I watch the stars shine , to me that's what you've become , your forever young ..
I don't live without you , I only breathe without you , I know your here in spirit , an yes I miss you, you know everything I went through, an homey that's why I'll always love you, you stuck by me no matter what I went through, no matter the things u saw me do , what am I really with out you ,no matter the person I became you saw me as the same , I love you bru ..
U got no clue.

So what is it I use as motivation to succeed?? ..
Who gives me the strength I really need, is it only physically I bleed ??
Who do I love now that I can't use a drug to fulfil that need?
Truth, I'm no longer in love ,I did reconnect with a god above for which I love , but on earth iv only ever felt one love, which also died , I fought, I tried resurrecting that love , that feeling, but it only caused more emotional bleeding, I wasn't prepared , just know i really cared.
Life doesn't ask you if your ready or not, so iv learned to appreciate the ones iv got, not the ones who forgot, so on you iv given up. You won Yesterday.
For now an ever , in my dreams we are together..
... Sweet dreams.....

One of many wishes

I Feel as though I keep repeating myself
I feel like this rhyming could be bad for my mental health, another contradiction , but I think this rhyming is my new addiction ..
In reality, I speak to myself more than anyone else..

I observe , I spy, I have more than one eye , these words are what I serve ..
We don't always get what we deserve ..or do we?
Life is a verb, a doing word..
What I do , do I do it for you?
Do u look back an say 'screw you'?
I think you do
If your vegetarian ,I guess I'm the meat you spit out after you accidentally chew
If you had one wish what would it be ??
I wished for you
If there was any person in this world you could see who would it be?
Only you
Are you truly free?
I need a universal key
As a youngster what did you always wanna be ?
Peter pan forever young!
When u see a shooting star do you make a wish?
I wished for you
Has your wish ever come true?
Eish this makes me blue
When you cut your birthday cake do you make a wish?
This year will be the 9th year I wish for you
Is this all to superstitious for you?
Your only one in a population, so I'm left in a sticky tricky situation
Hidden behind every question is an answer ..

What is it you truly treasure?
These words for you I do with pleasure..
One day these words I leave behind , are they for you to find ? ..
These thoughts, emotions , reality all combined ..
These words in pause , you can't fast forward or re-wind ..
They live forever , they forever young..
>----<3---->
Just because its over , doesn't mean its done.

Judge me now

I use to care about my image , an others opinion of me , so much that I stopped been me , know there's people wondering why they no longer seen me , the reason is because I'm finally been me , when your heading for that place you've so longed to be , when u finally open your eyes an you see , that u can reach your destiny , when your reaching out for one of your many dreams , u gotta find the silence amongst the screams .. As hard as it seems , eventually what once affected you, those that once rejected you, might try re-connect with you.. 

You realise those that never respected you, those that never accepted you , don't deserve to re-connect with you.. 

Sometimes you just gotta do , what's best for you..

As selfish as it may sound , sometimes u need to be scarce , underground , till what was once lost, is now found .. 

You reach out to those in a moment of weakness, a moment when u hitting rock bottom , but ur like a distant memory that's been forgotten , once your back on top , those that stuck by your side , didn't try run or hide , those in which you could confide , those that have seen your good an bad side an stuck along for the ride , they deserve you at your best, not the rest.

Never judge a book by its cover , some books are like no other , some disguise something undercover, you never know what awaits at the end, these words do u comprehend? ..

They say fake it , till you make it, yet I don't pretend .. My actions , my words, my life with yours will never blend..

Who will really be there at the end ? 

I think its those that don't pretend , those that comprehend , those that know the real you..

Love an truth will heal you.. 

Hate an sins will kill you .. 

The devil will always fear you

God is always there he can hear you

My spirit cannot be sold

Let the truth be told, this is what im told, im lucky to have grown this old, my life could be like a game of poker , except I never fold.. My spirit could never be sold.

I have spent days alone in the cold, all my life iv believed id never grow old,  I have loved ones , that ill forever appreciate, I have people out there to which these words they relate, I have people out there to which my name they debate..

There’s people out there that really just couldn’t care less, I always strive to do my best, as iv said before I never did blend in with the rest , sometimes I think these rhymes are no more than a waste of my time, maybe a waist of yours but that’s fine, that’s okay maybe its these rhymes that give me the strength to get through the day.

You  see when I express what I feel ,when im not fake , but real , I somehow manage to deal with the way that I feel.

Words have great power they truly heal.

There’s a saying ‘sticks an stones can break my bones, but words will never harm me’

I’m sorry but that’s only true if you’re trying to charm me, I believe there’s emotional pain in this world that no physical pain could ever compare to, I believe there’s so many struggles everyday we need to get through.

I believe in every lie there’s a part that’s true, and if there’s not it might just become true this may not make sense to you, but somedays can be black and purple not only blue.

I would never seek anyone’s pity do not get the wrong impression, do not mistake my emotions  for a dude with depression, u never know , as I am writing this I may have an erection, or maybe I don’t , I am sure I often speak under correction , maybe I look back at my life an see it as a perfection.

Maybe that lithium injection caused this perfection , maybe I don’t own mirrors because I cant stand the reflection, so I saw visions before my eyes, maybe I saw myself as the devil in disguise , maybe I  believed I could fly an fell trying to touch the skies, maybe I reached for heaven , an found hell..

Yet today I think I may have a great story to tell…

Is the future something we predict?? Does this phrase cause the conflict??

If I am to expose it all , stand tall or again fall, walk before I even attempt to crawl , if I fail, an the days of once rain turn to hail…at least im leaving my trail , succeed or fail.

God grants me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, have u ever tried to take my words and re-arrange? Sound familiar or strange? GOD grants me the courage to change the things I can, there’s a hidden message, what do you see before thee? Sometimes you need to look back into whose history?

And Wisdom to know the difference, these words have been granted.

A seed has been planted never ever take my words for granted…!!!

I have been diagnosed with so many medical terms .. psyciatric terms , spiritual terms , in the past been told im mentally unstable.
years have gone by, im on no longer on medication, in the most amazing phsyical , spiritual ,mental situation..

Because my lord is my salvation

Through whose eyes??

Once upon a time there was a boy he lived a dangerous life … he experienced all kinds of heartache and betrayal.

He lost his mind in 2007 … it was such a pitty he had so much potential.

all his hopes all his dreams gone in a instant … he disappeared for 4 months .. it was rumoured that he went into a state of psychosis

It was rumoured that he would never find his way back to reality.. it was rumoured that he would spend the rest of his life in a home. A mental home.

Four months later this boy returned… doctors, psychiatrists, an nurses believing it was a miracle..

Nobody in the world understood what this boy had just been through.. Nobody understood the visions he saw before his eyes... Nobody understood the thoughts that ran through his mind.. The thoughts he believed …nobody saw the world as he did.. If only they could see through his eyes.. If only his eyes could tell a story..

It was said that he felt a demon with the name of Lucifer, watching him, talking to him, possessing his mind... Asking him to enter his world...

It was said that what he would dream would become a reality...

It was said his eyes changed from brown to yellow... it was said he couldn’t distinguish between who was alive an who was dead even if your living body was standing right in front of him … it was said he did not know who his own father was it was said that he did not know who his own mother was.. His mind was so confused an mentally abused...

When he returned he was not quite the same all he once had, was taken from him.. So much medication built his new personality... but this was not the boy everyone once knew…

Years went by he gave up on everything that once meant something to him... he gave up on life.. Turned to drugs. An it was only a matter of time before he went back to day one … psychiatric ward... this time... they had the suitable medication.. 2months later he found his sanity again...

The fact that he could not accept insanity as a illness led him down an even darker path... he could not come to terms with what had become of his life..

He needed an escape...

Heroin, meth, cat, weed, cocaine, alcohol, sex, this would become his escape.

In the year 2011 he lost the plot ..Slowly started losing his mind once more ... went into drug dealing... stealing

Selling possessions.. Living out of his car.. Fighting.. Getting robbed... Arrested.. Court... it had to come to a stop.. He was forced into rehabilitation...This experience would change his life forever...

In rehab this boy lost his mind .. Once again Lucifer  was back haunting him.. Haunting his thoughts... An appearing in forms of people in front his eyes in the dark of the night..

He got sent away to high care psychiatric facility... An back to rehab there after...

On night in the strangest form he was lead into reading his bible... He came to the realisation that though every bad moment an angel was there god was there.. All his memories came storming back... he realised that in his 1^st psychosis... he went to church... And a week later he did what everyone saw as a miracle came back to reality... he knew that after all he had been through he should be living in a home..Or better off be dead after all the danger he put himself in.

This boy woke up the next day.. An he was healthy.. Had a completely new outlook on life ..

He othed o turn his life around as he did many times before but the difference was this time he believed he would.

This boy, became a man , this man is me !!!

When it comes to you and I

When it comes to you an I, the odds are stacked against me.. The chances are so slim, the lights seem so dim, but the light, it shines, its there, its a pitty life seems so unfair, iv been in this situation before, but not with someone nearly as special as you..
When I'm sad , when I'm feeling blue, I turn to you. U give me the strength to carry on , your always there when everything else seems gone , how can me holding you feel so right yet be wrong..
How do I carry on when in the future u may be gone .. When I vision a future I see u there , I want u there, people like u come by once in a lifetime your that rare..
Do u see me there the way I see u there?
Is this question I ask even fair?
Is what I say really okay?
Is this fair on you.. Do u deserve these feelings these emotions I'm putting you through, should I walk away for you to be okay??
Is that what ud prefer me to do..
I don't know anymore ..
Everything inside me may be longing for you, but is this the part , where u tell me I don't belong in your heart, an I'm not worthy of yours..

How could I ever ask u to sacrifice it all, I can't do that, all the odds are stacked against me, am I crazy to have even went this far, this deep, I'm speaking to you while u asleep..

Is this hill just to steep,.. Does this end in u walking away, or will u stay, I new what I may be getting myself into from the very first day.. But never saw myself feeling this way..

I hold you so tight, under the stars that shine so bright, it may be wrong but it feels so right, I touch ur soft skin , gently appreciate every soft spot, feel u close,breathe in an out.. Feel ur warmth from the inside out..

Think to myself, how can I be wrong , how can she be wrong, how can this be wrong, how can what we feel be wrong, how can we just ignore this, in a way
it takes the piss

Something we have together , that some will never find in a lifetime lasting forever ..
Fait shows us we destined together ..
U an I, fait does not lie.. Every time u look me in the eye.. We both know why.

No longer worthy - contradictions

All I try to do is be there, try show u that I care , u take my kindness for granted, like in your mind a grudge has been implanted its part of you, I don't know what it is I did to you, but okay, I'm done , now I'm really leaving you.

I won't be here when one day u come running back, if u think I will, u sure to be smoking crack, because iv literally just turned my back. Don't smile at me when u see me in public , don't be fake an talk to me , rather look through me , pretend u can't even see me .
Like I am to you , your also dead to me .
The person I once knew , she outgrew you.
She was never shallow, she had different values , know your just one of many statues .

I moved on , I knew we were long gone , yet I tried showing you just a little mutual respect, something I know regret, because it was never mutual.

I stood up for you, when u wernt even there..
U did the opposite , I thought it was unfair..
but at last its opened my eyes to show me just how little u actually care.

I became your biggest mistake, u became nothing more than something in my heart that would ache.
The aching is now gone , so long. Be gone.

U see the person you are when u see me to my face , an the person u are when I'm not around , they don't match an seem lost without a trace .

So I don't wanna know either of them . Your not my lover , your not my friend , these feelings are dead.
I should never have let you get into my head , I'm over it know though, for once an for all u can slip ill never again be there to catch u when u fall.

U don't deserve a goodbye , an in public your not worthy of a hello or as u say it, hi.
goodbye little beatle fly away nice an high don't come back , ud be on crack.

Enough to last forever

Out of every word I have ever written, out of every rhyming feeling…

Tonight as I lay awake staring above at the ceiling, saying a prayer..

Telling god this is not fair, this thought I cannot bare, these feelings are the hardest to share…

The thought of been without u has brought me many tears over the past few years..

To tell the truth with or without you, you gave me the strength to face my fears

U see, I truly believed we were meant to be…

I can imagine that what happened to me in 2007 2010 an 2011 could be part of the reason you’re staying away …

I cant explain 2 u how much my life changed 2007 April 17 the very 1st day..

I was confused, because of the amount of drugs I abused, something in my mind fused..

I lost my mind.. 4 months is what It took to find…

Sometimes in life I wish u could push play, pause an rewind…

Id go back to the day I met you, I hope u wont mind:)

In you, I had It all, you were always there to catch me when I was about to fall..

I know you’ve moved on with your life, I can tell u know there is a guy out there that is going to have the most amazing wifeJ…

U once asked me how will it benefit me to see u , an tonight I realised that’s just it ..

How could I be so full of shit ... love is not about one, but two...

And seen me would sadly not benefit you …

I guess iv said this is the last, but I never seem to manage to forget the past...

But tonight I came to this realisation... I was lucky enough to spend time with you, in my eyes gods greatest creation..

Maybe one day you’ll think of me, realise u were my great love an hold a key ..

A key to my heart .., even though we apart..

Maybe ull try contact me that day... until then if that day is ever to come I will stay away…

These words I othe to try obey

Anyway I guess what’s most important is what im about to say... Every night in my bed id lay... Every night to the lord id pray... Hoping you’d come back to me some day...

I could never give up on you... When I told u id love you forever those words were true...

You deserve the best, u have a heart of gold, I see beyond your disguise... I apologise for all my lies...I’m speaking to you the amazing girl that I see when I look into your eyes ...

When I went to rehab I told u you’d be my motivation. No more procrastination...

I turned my life around im clean.. Im reaching places iv never been ..

I hope that life brings u the happiness u deserve... And I want u to know u strong enough to get through that moment when life throws u a curve…

Ur special, your rare, im not around but ill always care

So I guess this is my final few words …

Every moment we shared together, is more than enough to last me forever...