BURIED SECRETS

Its hard to look at the past, its hard to overcome yesterday, my past it still haunts me, the demons they still taunt me,
I don't fear the future, I don't fear the past, but sometimes I ask myself how long will this happiness last.
Maybe expecting it to fade , can send me back to the shade, out of the light, yet I can't allow that, this is why I fight.
Am I afraid of the dark?.. Or am I afraid of what lies in the dark, afraid of what I can't see?
I try hard not to let my past define me, I try my hardest to let the holy spirit shine through me..
I know his hand is guiding me ..

Sometimes I wonder if I'm meant to spend this life on my own, sometimes I do feel alone, I have many people around me.. I have many people that are proud of me..

Yet why do I feel as though this is not where I belong?
why do I always feel I'm the odd one out?
A quote I try to follow 'why fit in, when your born to stand out'..
Am I really even happy??.. Am I depressed..??
Or am I just accepting the fact that I'm not like the rest??
Where do I belong, why does it feel as though somethings missing??
Can I truly be loved? am I lost? Or am I waiting to be found..
Am I normal? Am I unique? .. Do I have the heart someone truly may seek? ..
Does it really matter than I write more than I speak..
Am I truly strong? or do you just not realise I'm actually weak?
I know that my words are always been judged, my actions do cause dissatisfactions, an raised eyebrow reactions..

There's more than one side, there's so much more that I can't help hide..
I'm guilty of a sin , this been my pride, my secrets in the lord I do confide, that's my only way of putting them aside..
I speak of a past, one that haunts me..
I speak of a past one that taunts me..
People ask , they tell me they here when I'm ready to talk .. The closer they get the quicker I walk, you see I walk away an often return another day, but they don't forget, they afraid of the unknown.. They afraid of what's in my past that I have not shown
So I walk , I walk alone .. I fight these demons on my own , I fight these demons yet I'm not alone..

I need to let go, show me how because I don't know
I no longer know who I'm writing to , so ill just call you , you , I speak to god an myself more than anyone else..

I see the world in a different light, I see the world through a different sight, I don't know which I'm more afraid of , the the light or the dark of the night.. Is this where I belong, is this the life I was destined to live , what is my destiny , how do I fulfil it , do I jump from one topic to the next, do I speak out of context?..
I don't know anymore, feels like I'm going in circles, round an round ..am I lost yet to be found?
Is this where I belong?
Or will I soon be gone.

I speak in riddles, am I the joker??.. Or am I the joke?? Am I rich or am I broke?? Do I lead you to believe just what I need you to believe? or does true story lie beyond these words for you one day to retrieve?
Is this my story? or is my story hidden below this story?
Do I confuse? Do I amuse?
Is this a vocabulary I just abuse, did I just blow a fuse?? ..
When I right do I think before I speak?? Or do I just flow??
Only a select few of you will know..
Enjoy the show , u never know where in this life we are to go ..
Am I cold as snow? Or am I warm as fire..
Do you know the truth, or do u think I'm a liar??
Is this where I belong? Or will I soon be gone?
Love or hate..
I don't care.. Just relate