19 APRIL

I can still remember the day 19th april 2011..
My dad sat me down , an told me he needs to send me away, it can no longer go on this way.
I was high as the sky, as I stared him in his eye, I said no dad but why?? ..

He said don your on another high, u heading into another psychosis, I believed that his judgment on my mind caused an hypnosis , his opinions would always be on what I'd focus,what I'd trip out on , constant paranoia ,from one drug test to the next, positive for all.. Ironic that positive can turn out to be a negative , I got sedated, drugged up on medication , before I knew it I was in rehabilitation.
For years I had tried to avoid this situation..

This turned out to be my lives biggest blessing in disguise.
When u look deep into my brown, sometimes hazel eyes, do u see all I disguise??
You think the roads I walk are easy?? ..
I struggle through everyday, never knowing if I'm truly heading the right way, I close my eyes, every single day I pray, pray for the strength to survive just for today..
U think all these words I express all these years iv spoken ,can describe what in my life has been broken?
I can tell u that something spiritual inside me has been awoken, I appreciate the air I breathe, I wear my motivation on my sleeve..
Life doesn't always give you what u need, it is not only physically that we bleed, good is never good enough, never satisfying,I know even at my best, I'm capable of more.

That's why I will never stop trying.

I woke up today 19th April 2013.. I can't help but keep getting tears in my eyes, all the screams all the cries, all the judgement through so many eyes,all the sad heartbreaking goodbyes, time flies, to get to where I am today, to be okay, no matter the way, I'm thankful, I'm here today, where I am , where I stand.. I walk in the light of god, n gumba laka tikati, excuse the grammar, the punctuation,an maybe even the pronunciation..

I do live my life on the edge , at any moment I can slip off the ledge, fall again, but ill always rise again..fight till the end, my words truly you will never comprehend..
There's a beginning after the end..
In this world I may never blend.. But in this world I'm your friend..

Thank you to my father in heaven an my father on earth
Your guidance an strength, has guided me here since the day of birth

Happy birthday dad