Im Back!!!

Yes im back

I took a little break, Kitcat!!
I guess i needed some personal space
I left almost closed this blog , i wanted to say my say leave no trace, im back Today!

You no my name , you've heard my pain
Yes iv went insane time and time again..
escaped this reality , only to re -find a better clarity..
Entering a unique spiritual dimension..
My powerful minds invention?
Or was this a blend of heavan an hells invention

My story moulded through heart ache an pain
yet i smile i prevail again an again
You cant defeat me..
You cant beat me, undefeatable, unbreakable , anshakable , i fall ..
At the end ill always stand tall
And you ... Back to your dark whole you'll crawl

The devil paid me a visit once more, 3;33 am , He told me i cant be good
Im no good, im all bad. . .
If i try do good , ill never be happy only sad . .
Look to your past theres a dark cloud that follows you
And no matter the good you do
That darkness will never leave you

I looked his evil in the eye
I said Demon this may be true, but your repuation is only a lie
So now you look me in the eye
Look over hear , watch me spread this verb tear by tear
And note this tear is not that of fear
This tear means i feel , i feel what its like to be real
i feel that it takes pain , discipline an sacrafice to heal
I fear no rain, i fear no pain..
I fear no darkness, no dark cloud..
To me the darkness seems light
your evil i will fight
I will destroy you in your night, burn you with the fire , make you run from the light, in your darkness ill be the light
You can not take my sight , An stop me from doing right.

In my past there may be pain , things iv done wrong, the past is not forgotten an will never be gone
I am punished for my sins everyday , iv lost many, some will never forgive my sins of yesterday..
Yet theres no punishment worse than the past i have to face everyday, Everynight i cant sleep , i cannot erase the page of yesterday
It haunts me, you can taunt me

but i will do good, walk the road i should
live with no regret
I have a righteous debt
This is my destiny

,

Happily Ever After

Forever and Always

Wow! Today I can only smile..
Iv accepted what I cannot change

I often wish that my dreams an reality I could re- arrange
I find it awfully strange

As I close my eyes at night, as I shutdown an fall asleep
I enter a world I cannot keep
I wonder if maybe you too dream of me when your asleep
Your the only dream I ever remember when I wake
Is it possible that two souls so far apart , could have the same dream?
Did u dream what I dreamt last night?
I guess this is highly unlikely
You in my dreams I cannot avoid I cannot fight
In the darkness of the night, in you I maybe find the light
Maybe I tried so hard with u, not to try fix what was broken, but to finally speak with you what I felt was unspoken
To find peace, peace of mind After you something I cannot find
I guess that peace I seek, that peace that i cannot find, even subconsciously in dreams makes my mind re wind
Maybe I felt you could give that to me
Or maybe your just forever meant to be there
I guess you truly are the angel from my nightmare

How can u no longer care, how could you so easily walk away, an never come back
Ill never understand, how the one I thought loved me most, could just forget an be gone

Sorry for the outburst, but sometimes that's what really hurts

Only you can make my dreams come true..
Yet you my dream girl living In my dream world An for that I'm thankful to 
We gave it our best, an know literally its been put to bed, put to rest, I use to fight it.. now I invite it

In the dark when im dreaming you the spark you ignite it
I have this far-fetched illusion , that one day we will sleep walk, yes sleep walk, an you will finally be there when I open my eyes

Forever waiting, forever dreaming Nothing matters when that what matters most is gone. In this life or the next, no matter how long. My heart , all my strength,all my love is with you. Forever an always .

Once upon time

Once upon a time there was a boy, once upon a time there was a girl.. They knew not of each other, little did he know this girl would one day be the greatest lover, little did she know he would never again love another. One sunny day they were introduced to each other, their eyes met, and both saw something special undercover, hidden in one another. Or was there something great between them when connected? Her heart forever he protected, till one day he was rejected.. He felt she made him a better he, but maybe he no longer made her a better she Days go by, he looks up to the sky, he asks God why? Why Lord, why did she say Goodbye? I was young and dumb, but we were too young to die. Lord in your will I have faith. You answer my prayers,prayers you feel worthy of been answered. I pray our paths cross once more. Once upon a time I gave a girl my heart, such a shame we had to part.. Problem is she still has a part. A part of my heart, an when I see her, when I think of her, my heart it finds life, it starts to beat so fast, almost as though that what is gone will be restored at last, then like she’s blinded to me, like I am a ghost she walks right past.. My heart no longer beats fast, the race is over.. My heart slowly starts to ache, I was so close, I give up, I break. Forgive me for a mistake so great... I was only a child, a child that got wild Will I forever feel this pain, will I ever again be the same, will I continue been punished again an again. I do believe in fait, destiny, an a reason for your present, an your history.. Her heart, her soul, will be my only worthy victory, her heart, her soul is all that makes me whole. Once upon a time, there was a girl, she forever changed a boys world.. Once upon a time….

Love Defined

I'm achieving so many things I believed to be impossible, I'm doing well financially , I found my place spiritually, I'm stable emotionally I'm stable mentally,I'm getting where I need to be physically.. I'm fulfilling what I believe to me my destiny.. I'm blessed with this life everyday, I'm blessed to live a good life, I'm blessed with luxuries, I'm blessed with a family that loves me, I'm blessed with friends that no longer choose to judge me.. Some nights I ask God to send someone that can love me, stand by me, love me as her man, love me as I am.. Iv got so much to be grateful for, yet if gods greatest gift is love, why do I not posses the love I seek , maybe need most, am I not ready?? .. Do I subconsciously fear something real faithful an steady.. Or does god just not feel I'm ready?? We all seek love , don't get me wrong I'm so thankful for all I have, an I should not ponder on that which I don't Maybe after this I won't I have faith that love will come when I'm ready Love that is steady When I think of love, when I think of a gift this great, a gift with a word the whole world can relate I vision the first date, an I vision it been great, I vision coming home to her, loving her most in this world, sacrificing it all for the sake of my love for her.. Putting her 1st, valuing her life more than my own.. Standing in front of her when she takes a step into the unknown,never rejecting her, never neglecting her.. Protecting her with my life, she's more than just my wife, she is my life , 2nd to God, 1st in humanity, given to me through love an christianity, the sane in insanity.. The humble ness in vanity, the truth in a lie, the tear that I cry, the hardest goodbye, an the happiest hello , or high, a kiss ill forever treasure, her been my only pleasure

One in a million

I think back, memories became like a photo album that was washed away, burnt away in flames,burnt an never to be seen on another day..
I don't know where you are, I hope that your okay
I'm sorry I just can't seem to go away, when for me to leave your life, I'm sure is something for which you pray..

My desperation, its sad, pathetic, something you've always described as infatuation
But is love not what makes us weak, is love not what makes us vulnerable, love is a action of which one cannot speak

I wish , I wish, I wish I could wash away these memories, I wish I could kill this feeling, let it go, I try, but as I start healing, I can't help shake this feeling, I wish we could start over, forget all the tears..
Never mind all the ears, put aside our fears
Take back our youngest years
An build many new years
If your not the girl I once new, an if I'm the guy you outgrew
It doesn't matter, there's nothing in this world I wouldn't do for a chance again to get to know you..

You were the one in a million, you were the one in a billion
I will never be the same without you
And maybe this is a twisted obsession, an infatuation
You may be right, you may be wrong, but since the day you've been gone
There's not one day for you my heart can't help long

I long for you an you only, without you, I'm empty, my heart will always be lonely
I'm proud of you, I'm so thankful to have known you
I'm sorry, sorry that you were a victim of my infatuation, my obsession, an if in your life iv caused any state of depression, aggression, I understand if this may be your form of protection, or even just flat out rejection

My heart dies when your gone, an when I see you, it comes alive, it beats at a rapid pace, which I'm sure is at a high heart attack risk, an then you leave without a trace..
You leave me lost in space
My heart loses oxygen, my heart dies
I'm lost, I keep going north, miles of skies
You have the oxygen to my heart
You taught me so much, your heart I know ill never get a chance to touch
With you gone
I'm a car without a clutch.

Follow your dreams, your greater, your more amazing, your more beautiful, you more rare
Than you'll ever believe
Your one in a trillion billion million

Never give up on who you are
You've come so far..
Look to the sky, look high, your the north star..
An though there may be troubles on your way
If you make it through the night there's a brighter day
Hold on you'll be okay
An once more ill try again to stay away

Life is a Blessing

The pain in this world makes me crazy
He died, she died, we all died..
He cried, I cried, she lied, he lied,he tried, she tried, I failed , you failed, he rose, he bailed, he flew, he sailed..
She swam, he drowned, I smiled, you frowned..
I succeeded, she an an angel gave me the tools I needed , Him a God I found,music with another form of sound, Brendon a best friend, was lost after a friendship of greatness was found..
I see the the pain beneath ones eyes, but only some hear the cries, why say hello , when after there's so many goodbyes..
Why be born, when your death is what some will mourn.
Is this negativity, or reality?? Time to face the music.. Time to take the tools given, time to use it..
I guess I better live now , because I know I'm gonna die.. I better smile because anytime soon I can cry..
Time to let go of yesterday, Goodbye

Good morning, no more yawning..if your in my life today, I'm thankful you've chosen to stay, if your leaving soon that's okay, life is a gift time to play..
Repetition.. Fact, Fiction,never in my life again will I allow contradiction, live every moment as if its my last, 5 seconds ago is the past..
This moment ill make last..
Work on me, better me, day by day, step by step, no space for regret, iv paid my debt, brainwash me, help me forget.
I just forgot, forgot you not,just that that's meant to be forgotten.
Lifes to short....
Depression, sadness, regret..
Abort